She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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