You're a womanizer and a bitch.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize