For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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