someone owes me an orgasm
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
