i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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