I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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