this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
