He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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