i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
