I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
