I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
