apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
