So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
