Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
