she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He did a backflip because drugs
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