i just wanna soil my oats bro
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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