If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
