i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
