When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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