There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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