: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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