I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
