Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
