Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
birth control should be required to get into college
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
