What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I party with great urgency now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
