he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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