I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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