I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
