Christians are straight up FREAKS
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
