no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you didnt know i had herpes?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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