I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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