True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
