he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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