Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
