i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
