Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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