News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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