Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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