we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
birth control should be required to get into college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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