I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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