But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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