Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
