we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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