how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
