Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
