shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
