they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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