I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize