There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
