So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
