It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
