I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
