i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
