She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize