# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
