Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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