I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
