Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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