I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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