Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
