when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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