the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
