whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
