I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
